Donnerstag, April 27, 2006

Den Kopf in den Sand stecken...

Wir schreiben Donnerstag, den 27. April 2006. Ich kann mich nicht daran erinnern, wann meine Laune das letzte Mal solch einen Tiefpunkt erreicht hatte. Was ich am heutigen Tag gesehen und erlebt habe ist schwer in Worte zu fassen, doch trotz alledem möchte ich es mir hier und jetzt von der Seele schreiben.

Heute habe ich Dinge gesehen, die wahrscheinlich nicht für mich bestimmt waren.
Dinge, die ich niemals hätte sehen wollen.
Dinge, für die ich niemals eine Emotion eingeplant hatte.
Dinge, die meine Ansichten um 180 Grad gedreht haben.

Wenn mich jemand nach einer Person in meiner Ausbildung fragen würde, die ich am meisten bewundere, dann kommt mir sofort ein Name in den Kopf. Ich habe diese Person vom ersten Tag an geschätzt und wenn ich ehrlich sein soll, sogar ein Vorbild in ihr gesehen. Auch wenn ich bisher nicht viel aus dem Leben dieser Person erfahren habe, so habe ich sie stets für einen Kompetenten, hilfsbereiten und stets freundlichen Mitarbeiter gehalten.
Ich hätte niemandem Glauben geschenkt, der mir hätte weis machen wollen, dass mich diese Person jemals enttäuschen würde.
Doch heute wurde ich vom Gegenteil überzeugt.
Was ist nur geschehen?

Da war eine weinende, völlig aufgelöste Frau Anfang, Mitte 30 die von einem großen Herrn mit Anzug beiseite geschoben wurde …. Dazwischen die besagte Person wütend, aufgebracht und in den übelsten Worten am schimpfen mit einem Mann der mir unbekannt war. Es erschien mir, als würde sich der Boden unter meinen Füßen lösen. Von jetzt auf gleich wurde mir bewusst, dass ich auf mich allein gestellt war, und das mit einer Aufgabe, die sich unmöglich von einem kleinen Azubi lösen lassen würde. Was hatte ich für eine Wahl? Ich musste doch das Beste aus der Situation heraus schlagen….

Gefangen in einem Team, bestehend aus einer Hand voll Leuten, denen die Erfüllung dieser Aufgabe so sehr am Herzen lag wie ein umgefallener Sack Reis irgendwo in China.
Ich habe alles gegeben, bin weiter gegangen als es meine gesteckten Grenzen erlaubt hätten. Bin ich denn wirklich die Einzige? Eine verzweifelte Einzelkämpferin die für Dinge, die ihr am Herzen liegen kämpft ohne aufzugeben…..

Heute bin ich für meinen Job an meine äußersten Grenzen gestoßen und habe noch nicht einmal ein simples Danke dafür geerntet.

Ich kann gar nicht in Worte fassen wie enttäuscht ich bin.
Heute habe ich etwas fürs Leben gelernt ….
Die Definition von Enttäuschung: Die Depression als Reaktion auf Produktion von Illusion.
In Wirklichkeit ist jeder Mensch für immer allein.

64 Comments:

At 27. April 2006 um 21:27, Blogger Stefan said...

Oh Shit!
Melli!!?! Was ist denn passiert? Das klingt sehr beunruhigend und ich habe leider auch keinen blassen Schimmer, von welchen Personen du hier sprichst.

Hey, wenns dir nichts ausmacht, dann flüster mir Morgen doch mal die Story ganz leise ins Ohr...
Du scheinst ja wirklich down zu sein.
Da du mich von Zeit zu Zeit aufgemuntert hast, würd ich es gerne umgedreht genau so machen. Hmm. Wame Worte sind gefragt.

 
At 30. April 2006 um 11:53, Blogger inse binse said...

Hey Melli,
habs grad gelesen...!ich hoffe ich bin nicht die Person von der du sprichst....!Klingt auf jeden Fall ernst!Was ist denn passiert?

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